I have a confession.

I gave up.

I quit on you.

It was my birthday and I had a call with a coach I REALLY wanted to work with.  I liked her style.  I was excited. I was ready to be jacked out of my mind and create a movement for sassy, single mothers.

About 15 minutes into my call with her, she said, “Single mothers do not have any money or ambition.  You are never going to be successful.”

Ummmmm. Ok.

Wait. There is more.

As I sat there. I was frozen. My thoughts were ice.

And then because I did not have a credit card to “afford” her program, she said, “Call me when you have a credit card AND then we can talk.”

And that was it. Dream over.

I believed her. I went back under my blanket, curled up like a baby and BELIEVED HER!  I mean, I was a single mother and I allowed her to control my thoughts!  I let you all down.

OK. I GET IT.  I understand the sales process. I know you must “qualify” individuals and identify what obstacles or challenges are holding them back.  BUT.  To tell a person they are not going to be successful AND to stereotype my single mothers like that IS NOT okay. At. All.

SO LET ME THANK YOU.

To the coach who told me single mothers were broke with no ambition — THANK YOU.

To the coach who told me I was not going to be successful — THANK YOU.

To the coach who told me I needed a credit card to grow my business – THANK YOU.

LET ME GIVE YOU SOME “ADVICE” THERE, COACH

When someone reaches out to you for help, you see them at their lowest, you see their challenges, they’re looking for a safe place seeking a no judgement zone to put the pieces of the puzzle together.

Be mindful of the words you share.  Possibly you were just looking for a sale, which you were, and you just looked at me like a number and a dollar sign in your ledger. Your words were daggers.

Please, please don’t ever do that to anyone else.  Ever.

I cried. I cried a lot after that phone call. I was devastated.  I reached out to you because I respected you and wanted to learn from you.  I did my research about you, the raving reviews, and all the women’s lives you had changed. I was ready to do what it took to be coached by you.

For days, weeks, months — I felt like a complete failure.  I didn’t know what to do except give up.  And I almost did.

I was scared to talk to anyone about my dreams because I thought they would laugh at me.

I even talked to a few friends and instantly went back undercover because they judged me and patted my back as if I were 3 years old and needed coddling.

Should one person’s opinion have mattered to me THAT much? No.

I let my fellow single mothers down. And I am sorry.

Years later, I may not be what YOU consider a success. You were wrong. You were wrong about single mothers.  Single mothers KICK ASS everyday!  I have a business that I love! I have a business that helps single mothers and does not crush their dreams like fallen M&M’s on a sidewalk.  I LOVE my clients and the lives I change everyday.

Oh.

And one more thing.

I DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU THINK ANYMORE!

To all my single mothers — click here to take the survey + witness cartwheels!

I am going to be honest! I am sick and tired of looking for resources for single mothers or people look at me like I have the plague — so here I am! Putting an end to the madness that pisses me off and makes me go ballistic like a velociraptor.

I am putting together a FLIPPIN kick-ass FREE resource JUST FOR YOU, the single mom! I am not here to give advice about who to date or when to introduce your kids to whomever or any advice really! I am here to teach you, motivate you, and embrace you as you are while being your personal cheerleader in your corner who does not judge you! THIS IS A NO JUDGEMENT ZONE!

Here is a survey to get to know YOU, what YOU want, what YOU desire, what makes YOU….well YOU!  After all, it is about YOU, the world just does not know it…yet!

Meanwhile in Kansas City #KCSNOW ::

I came across THIS::

“The only thing that is distinctly different about me is that I’m not afraid to die on a treadmill. I will not be outworked, period. You might have more talent than me, you might be smarter than me, you might be sexier than me. But if we get on the treadmill together, there’s two things that can happen: Either you’re getting off first, or I’m going to die. It’s really that simple. So let’s go back to what I do when people reject me: I’m either going to get back in, or I’m going to die. The majority of people who aren’t getting the things they want, or aren’t achieving the things they want, is strictly based on hustle. It’s strictly based on being outworked, on missing crucial opportunities. If you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready.”

- Will Smith

….while I was being smothered in this white powder that surrounds me and absolutely NO Vitamin D. At. All. Whatsoever.

What happens?

I GETS REAL!

YOU have no excuses!

STOP feeling sorry for yourself.  SNAP out of it.

YOUR competitor is out hustling you. Out working you. Out thinking you.

While YOU are sitting on the couch clickin’ channels and scratching your cat’s belly — YOUR competitor is creating content.

YOU hold the power to change your future (and it is not in the remote control).

Do you FEEL like you need a little hand holding first? It’s ok. I felt that way and still do at times. It happens. IT’s OK!

Here is a 5 step process to help you get started::

1. BE YOU. BE AUTHENTIC. Simple as that.
2. Just Say No.  If it is not getting YOU to where you want to be — then do not do it. Easy Peasy.
3. Read. Learners are Earners and to be quite frank, if you are not learning, you are dead. You don’t want to be dead.
4. Engage to find clarity and stop thinking so much. “Thinking” makes everything more convoluted — ENGAGE.
5. If all else, bake. Yep. Bake some cupcakes, bake some cookies, bake a cake, bake a pie — the trick — DO NOT EAT IT! Go workout instead! You will thank me later!

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one

alive who is Youer than You.” Dr. Seuss

In the meantime — I am sending you all warm thoughts::

From my fingertips to your eyes

Let’s Walk. Let’s Talk. Let’ Share. Imagine with me.

Follow this journey.

IMAGINE.

Imagine being born

Imagine living a life of freedom

Imagine being a negative standout within the community

Imagine being abused by your own father

Imagine people being hateful because you are different

Imagine being kicked out the day after you graduate high school

Imagine being disowned by your own family

Imagine being all alone

Imagine verbally abused

Imagine being alone again

Imagine being homeless

Imagine fighting back

Imagine being free to roam where you want

Imagine your mother dying so suddenly and no answers

Imagine being surrounded by loneliness

Imagine being a slave to work

Imagine the feeling of looking out the window yearning for more

Imagine being overlooked for promotions

Imagine being pissed off

Imagine stepping out of your comfort zone

Imagine finding true love

Imagine making your own love story come true

Imagine being stabbed in the back by those you thought were on your side

Imagine sitting in a room, no light, just your thoughts

Imagine being pushed to your limits

Imagine finding your spirit

Imagine discovering your true calling

Imagine feeling on top of the world

Imagine being given an ultimatum

Imagine how it feel to be beautiful inside and out

Imagine helping others smile

Just IMAGINE!

Imagine. Imagine what your life looks like when you take the leap.

I am avid believer of the word NO.

Mom, can I have this? NO

Mom, can I go to this party? NO

Sang, can I borrow your pink heels? HELL NO

I like it the word NO!

I know how to say it and I say it well.

However, I know a few people who can just never say NO.  So I gathered a list for my peeps who can not say no. Try some of these:

1. Rain check please

2. I am going out of town

3. I can not do that

4. Let me check my calendar

5. My kids have activities

6. I am not feeling well

7. I need to check with my husband/boyfriend

8. I don’t think I would be good at that

9. I have too much laundry to do

10. I have a hair appointment and she books 3 weeks out

11. Thanks, but I am trying to quit

12. My weekend are booked until 2013

13. Oh, I can’t that is LOVE day

14. HELL NO

15. No thanks, I go to Starbucks every week at that time and they will send out a search party if I don’t show up

16. Yeah, I am not really sure about that right now

17. I appreciate the thought but I’m afraid that it’s just not right for me

18. To be honest, I do not want to

19. I only work with excel sheets

20. I have a date

21. I am volunteering for the PTSA

22. I’d rather not

23. I don’t do that on (Insert that day)

24. No thanks, I am driving

25. That is not a good color on me

There you have 25 fabulous ways to JUST SAY NO! Go ahead give it whirl and see what happens.  Look at the amount of time that will open up in your schedule!

Soooooooooooooo…in the comments below, I would love for you to share your sassy ways to JUST SAY NO!

From my fingertips to your eyes

You are tired.

You are angry.

You are frustrated.

You are stressed.

You want to throw in the towel.

Truth is…

You were not made for this ENTREPRENEURSHIP thing. Be honest.

No one ever said this was going to easy. This shit is hard.  You are going to have those days where you want to raise your hands up and say SCREW THIS!

QUIT NOW!

But guess what…

YOU ARE NOT A QUITTER!

Imagine waking up today.  You have hustled or at least you think you have. You check your bank account and $32 flashes across the screen, your rent is not paid, you have bill collectors calling you and you would rather slide down a bed of razor blades into a pool of alcohol.

Why did you choose to be your own boss?

You desired UNLIMITED INCOME!

Remember what it felt like to have a boss.  Someone telling you what to do, when to do it, how to do it, and how often you had to do it.  You had to ask to go on vacation. Your boss made you feel bad when you called in sick.

Why did you leave that charley horse painful job?

You desired FREEDOM!

That friend or family member. The one who said — “You are doing what? — Good Luck with that.”  You wanted to slap them with a frozen turkey leg and make it sting.  They are supposed to be on your side, your cream to your twinkie.

Why did you leave that friend in the dirt?

You desired MORE!

Let me be clear as frosted glass with you since it is apparent we are not seeing eye to eye.

YOU DESERVE MORE.  YOU DESERVE FREEDOM. YOU DESERVE UNLIMITED INCOME.

You are getting in your own way. So step aside and let yourself go.

You are going to have eff’d up days.  You are going to have cartwheel flying days.  Roll with it.

Stay persistent.

Stay focused.

Stay true to yourself.

From my fingertips to your eyes

What is the longest you have gone without ANY connection to the world?

That long huh?

My daughter was competing in a national dance competition in Wisconsin.  Why was I not warned of such chaos?

I was staying at the Wintergreen Resort that clearly stated on its website, and when I checked in there was WiFi throughout the hotel.  I was cool with that.  Between my daughter dancing, I would work and stay caught up, right?

WRONG!

To my dismay, the WiFi ONLY worked the closer you were to the front desk.  Lucky me, I was on the opposite end of the hotel.  And we will not discuss being locked in the gym!

So what did I do to pass the time – I watched TV.

How great it was to “unplug”, yet I was out of my comfort zone.  I hardly watch TV as it is — this was the total opposite of what I talked about time wasters. Sorry – blame it on Wisconsin for being S – L – O – W!

The ONLY time I had internet connection was when I was in the hosting hotel for the dance competition.  HOW was I supposed to be a dance mom AND work!

What do I look like — a professional juggler?

It all comes down to balance.   As a mother and business owner – balance is something that is always challenged.

I am a traditionally modern gal –  who likes old school and mixes it with the new school! Keeps you on your toes!

So while in forced internet seclusion — I conjured up three key elements to keeping some balance all while being traditionally modern.

Here are some ways to control the balance:

Schedule your correspondence.

If you are like me, you can be inundated with emails all throughout the day and thus can instantly change your mood. To curb this instance, try reading, checking, and responding only at certain times of the day. About 30 minute intervals should do the trick. Delete anything that is older than two weeks or stuff it in a folder because, let’s be real, you are not going to reply.

Unsubscribe to newsletters you are not reading, or if they are important to you, filter those messages to skip the inbox and go directly to a folder. And this one may be the hardest one for everyone – set your computer and mobile devices NOT to notify you when you receive new mail!

Choose not to answer.

Think of your mobile device as a debit card, the more attention you give it, the more money you lose. Your smart phone has many capabilities and you can customize calls to receive and not to receive. Practice leaving your phone for about 20 minutes at a time, I mean there was a time when we did not depend on having a phone at all times and besides, not everyone needs to know what you are doing. Do your best to schedule your phone calls during your drives and please use your hands-free devices!

Face to Face time is needed.

When you are meeting with someone, do not let the temptation of your computer and/or phone distract you from the person who is right in front of you. Not only is it rude to tamper with your devices, you are not created that important connection needed to build a relationship for the future! Maintain eye contact with your client, friend, etc and give them your undivided attention, their time is valuable as well! Keep in mind that everyone is busy and everyone is attached to the mobile devices and laptops as if it gave them air to breathe. Sometime you need to step away from the technology world and take a breath of fresh air, live life and remember what is most important in life.

Sometimes you must disconnect and focus.

And if you want to know how The Dancer did:

# 2 Solo in the nation
2nd Runner up for Dancer of the Year
“IF” routine won Grand National Champion
“Wonderland” Production Routine won National Champion
and a slew of other Double Platinum and Platinum awards

My CHALLENGE to you:

Set a timer for 2-3 hours. NO distractions.  DO NOT log into Facebook or any other social media outlet. NO cell phone.  And let your peeps know what is going on.  You will be amazed by the amount of work you get done!

From my fingertips to your eyes

More from Sang

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Make Cash While You Sleep + Get Paid to Goof off = Winning
Skip these crappy tips

You did not start your business to sit at home all day and do nothing.  You did not move into a forest to hibernate.  You haven’t won the lottery.  You do not have high paying servants waiting on you hand and foot.  Or maybe you did…and in that case you have a VERY expensive hobby my friend!

And.

You stop reading now because the rest of this is NOT for you.

These are what I call “time wasters”, “bad habits” and “addictions” aka Low Return Activities

Excessive TV

Tolerating negative and abusive relationships

Mindless internet surfing

Spontaneous shopping

Whining

Complaining

Gossiping

Dramatizing

Listening to whining, complaining, gossiping and drama for more than 5 minutes at a time

Being a people pleaser

Seeking approval

Chilling with negative people

Worrying

Excessive volunteering

Replace them with HIGH RETURN ACTIVITIES or things I like to invest my in that earn MORE time and money than if I were continuously addicted to those bad habits.

HIGH RETURN ACTIVITIES include:

Self-Care

Mental Training

Working Out Consistently — it really clears your head

Personal Growth

Chill with like-minded peeps

Learn to say NO

Gain a Mentor

Time for a reflection.  Assessment of your daily time. Where are you spending your hours?

YOUR time is precious and I am concerned that you are getting everything you need from your time.  I don’t want you to feel bad at the end of your day and want to pull your hair out.

Trust me!  I remember those days and every once in a while I still have them!  Then I have to check myself!

Plan your work and work your plan!

That is all there is to it!

Now what are you waiting for — Let’s get to work!

From my fingertips to your eyes

More from Sang

What the EFF is a Backstory and WHY do I need one?
Make Cash While You Sleep + Get Paid to Goof off = Winning
Skip these crappy tips

Stop looking at me like that!

I know what you are thinking!

Oh Sang, that is nothing but an ABOUT ME page.  But is it?

Yes and no. Kind of, but not really!

Creating a compelling backstory for your business is as important as eating breaskfast every morning.  It is one of the most overlooked elements, yet also one of the most important, because your backstory gives people that connection they are seeking — it gives them a reason to care about you and your business — and it gives them a way to trust you!

People only do business with people they know, like and trust.

What is a backstory exactly?  Essentially it is a story — your story — strategically refined and with a purpose.  Marketing purpose.  Your ideal target market — will connect to your backstory.  It is not the boring — blah — blah — blah — ABOUT ME page where you talk about where you went to school, where you worked, and all those famous awards you won.  Your ideal market cares, but not that much.

They want to know about YOU!  A concrete backstory is presented in a way that gets other people on board with YOUR message, YOUR vision, and literally brings your business to life.  It gives your business breath.  Ultimately,  you are helping market yourself and sell yourself more effectively.

Let’s be honest!  Are you here to sell something or are you here because you have a VERY expensive hobby?

Think about this — No one likes to be sold to — so this leaves you in an interesting position of having to sell — but not being salesy! Make sense?

And when you create a compelling backstory, you are helping to do just that — You are selling yourself and services without really selling.  When you tell a great story, people listen, people are drawn in and they are on your side because you are not pushing your “marketing” at them per se.

Think about how quickly you are to judge others.  Be honest.  Everyone judges.  You meet someone who is talking about making millions of dollars and they drive a Nissan Maxima and you automatically think, “What the hell, if I was making that money, I would not be driving  Maxima” and so on.  Next you meet a person who says s/he goes to therapy three times a week — you are like, “OMG, s/he IS nuts”  and little did you know they lost their mother three weeks prior. These are naturally a snap judgement without knowing the WHOLE story – however, it does not stop you from making that judgement!

Now fast forward to someone coming to your website for the first time — THEY JUDGE YOU TOO!

Thus — you must create that backstory that paints that magnificent picture of who you are and why you are THE ONE to help them.

They need to know you.

They need to like you.

They need to trust you.

How to make your backstory stick.

Simplicity — pack a punch!

Spontaneity — defying expectations makes people shudder

Solidity — compare abstract ideas to real things that people can relate to

Credibility — people need a reason to believe you

Emotions — people need to feel the connection with you and they need to feel something

Once you have a backstory — WHERE DOES IT GO? In your ABOUT ME section, of course!  Your BOOM STATEMENT is key when directing everyone to your ABOUT ME — you will create the rapport you and get people on your side early on.

Remember engagement is your number one priority as as your audience arrives to your site.

From my fingertips to your eyes

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Picture this.

You are walking along a walking trail, you feel the warm summer breeze against your polished face, your hair is gently swaying in the air, the sound of the water is soothing and then you spot about 60 geese walking along side the water.  They are happy; they are not caring about anything in the world as they wander about the green grass.

Now think about when you have ever seen these geese ALONE? By alone, I mean have you ever seen just ONE goose by itself with no other geese around? Well, have you?

I will give you a minute to think.

You are right.

HARDLY EVER.

They stick together, no matter what.  They travel in packs, they eat in packs, they swim together, they bathe together, they mate together (ok maybe that was a bit much), hell…they even go to the bathroom in packs (girls can vouch for bathroom packs)….they look out for one another, they protect one another and what can we (humans) learn from these feathered creatures?

Teamwork.

Stability.

Loyalty.

As we become older, we tend to distance ourselves from family, friends, and those who have been there for us because we started wearing the SUPERMAN cape and said I CAN DO THIS BY MYSELF.  Granted I am not talking about the DREAMZAPPERS, I am talking about the people whom you value their opinion, you call them when you have something exciting to share, you want to them to experience the same happiness you are.

Remember when you were a kid and you got angry because you wanted to do it BY YOURSELF and your mom would not let you?  Remember when you got your driver’s license and you JUST wanted to drive alone?  Remember when you got that awesome position you have been waiting for…but no one was there to congratulate you?  Why?

Because you left them stranded.  You abandoned them.  They may come back, they may not.  And if they do, things will not be the same as they were way back when.  Times have changed.  You have changed.  They have changed.

REALITY CHECK.

YOU are great!

YOU are fabulous!

YOU are the superb mastermind behind your empire!

YOU, also, cannot do it all alone!

Your team is essential to your business.  You wouldn’t want your dentist delivering your baby would you?

Build a team of comrades…A team who sees your vision…A team who can challenge you…A team who can help you get where you want and in turn, you help them get where they want.  TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK….I know you hear it everywhere and it is like beating a dead horse.  And here is the thing – IT IS TRUE!

Just like the geese, we must stick together for the greater of purpose.  I am not saying we must do EVERYTHING together as they do, just remember your team, how they bring you to fruition and how you guide them along the way.

GROW together!

CONQUER together!

ACCOMPLISH together!

Because at the end of the day, you do not want to be that old lady ( or man ) who lives alone, and eventually dies alone.  Live Life and get out there to make the world a better place with your gifts and your team’s gifts.  The strength is in the numbers!

Go ahead friends, share an example of great team work! We are waiting with open ears!

From my fingertips to your eyes